The First of Many, Part I

Hey Folks,
I was writing an email to a friend in Augusta, and the things I was writing started to sound like they belonged on a blog. I continued to write, then copy and paste to this site, when the power in our apartment went out. I'm losing my belief in coincidences these days, so I'm convinced that satan doesn't want these things published. I am therefore, trying to restore my thoughts and rewrite what was lost. I apologize if the words don't come to me as effectively as they did the first time. This ended up being very long, so I split it into 3 parts.

This is a confession. This is my heart. This is a prayer request. This is who I am right now.

I'm up and I'm down. For example,
I was not overwhelmed when my junior high school here called my boss and complained that I was going home early, when my contract clearly states that I am to recieve no more than 30 hours of work per week, not even when the company called me and told me I would have to stay until 5:00 every day regardless of my contract, because, basically, they didn't want to offend the school. I prayed to God for deliverance from the abuse of my employer when I had things to do at home, like take care of my family and, Lord willing, record. I asked others to pray for me as well, hopeful of God's provision and mercy.

Then, this week, when I was about to record, the computer shut down, and I freaked out. I tried to restart it, but not a single light would come on. I was certain that God had pulled a Job on me, and that I would spend the rest of my days doing jobs that I hate; never seeing my musical labor come to fruition. I went into the bedroom furious, frustrated, and bound for depression. Unbeknownst to me, my wife and her sister went into the kitchen to pray. A little while later, I returned to the music room, determined to restart the project from scratch, with the full intention of buying a new computer (minimum $1500). As a one-last-try, I decided to replace the battery in the computer...and it came on.

Instantly, I felt humbled, relieved, embarrassed, and, honestly, aggravated. As I saw my 90 degree gradient lack of faith, I wondered if I would ever be capable of passing God's tests with any amount of frequency. How could I believe that He would deliver me from one thing and not another? Recently, I've been reminded of Elijah, and how, after demonstrating the power of God so miraculously and having the prophets of Baal slaughtered, he ran for his life at the threats of Jezebel. I used to wonder, "how stupid do you have to be to drop God at the threat of one woman after defeating hundreds by His power alone?" I now have the answer.

Even today, the power failure made me furious; like God couldn't restore to my mind the things I had written before if they were important enough to post.